did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
