yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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