so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
