hotel room ftw
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
