I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
whose ass print is on the piano?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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