my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
