you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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