And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
