hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
