You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
