This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
