One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You ruined the universe
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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