do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i think i just lost a toe
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
