I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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