I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
