the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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