so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize