I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
