...so i touched it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
