dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
