Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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