Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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