I bet he comes in French.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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