Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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