Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
