loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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