Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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