remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
