Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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