I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize