i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
