Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
