I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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