she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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