omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
