North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
