Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
