Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
