Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
