Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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