Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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