does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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