Pregnant stripper...not hot.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
