I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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