my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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