Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
