i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
