dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize