I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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