My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
