You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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