I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
