Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
