what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
