I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
