What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
