So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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