All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
