You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
