So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
