Your tits are I can't wait for
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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