you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
