Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
