My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
