somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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