Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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