Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
